Friday, July 23, 2010

Friday Friends: Don't be So Sensitive!

This week's Friday Friend is Dr. Lydia Kang's blog, The Word is my Oyster. Dr. Kang's post of May 26, 2010, titled A Scientist's View of a Writer's Thick Skin, is what prompted me to click the "follow" button on her blog a couple of months ago. I've been reading each of her posts since.

Looking at Dr. Kang's illustration, which end of the dermatological spectrum are you on: "bleeds and cries easily" or "nothing gets through this sucker?"

Medical analyses aside, the truth is that many of us who want to be writers are of a sensitive nature. Somehow that doesn't seem incongruous; it takes a sensitive nature to pay attention to so many details of life and existence and to then want to communicate those observations back to the world in emotionally and intellectually pleasing and instructive vignettes of self-expression. OK, it's great that we're sensitive. But don't let that same luxurious sensitivity that compels you to want to be a writer grow horns and compel you to not want to be a writer. Let me explain. When you first get serious about writing (yes, at the beginning, that most fragile, vulnerable point in any enterprise including careers, marriages and friendships), you'll beat yourself up for the slop that you see yourself putting on paper. Day after day, draft after draft, you'll work to a point where the slop looks acceptable enough to you so you'll share it with others for critique. You'll graduate from local critiques, you'll expand the distribution of your writing. And then: agents and publishers will reject you; the self-appointed "best and brightest" in various writers' cliques will treat you like an inconsequential upstart; cyber-bullies will grow their own sense of self-worth by belittling your work in an assortment of forums.

As in life, so in writing; distill the truth from the venom.

The venom: ignore.

The truth: use it to become a better writer.

Most of all: keep writing. Use the years and your own hard work to get better and better. You'll get there! :)

Writers' sensitivities: a gift or a curse? Each of us answers that question by how well she or he manages and channels those sensitivities.

Earlier in this post, I asked you for self-disclosure regarding sensitivities. It's not fair if I don't reciprocate with equal disclosure. Looking at Lydia's illustration, I must admit that I'm closer to "bleeds and cries easily" than to "nothing gets through this sucker?" Oh, well. At least I have the gift of being able to fall in love deeply :).

Happy weekend, everyone!

32 comments:

  1. Great post Mohamed! Well its my turn to tell the truth. I would fall in the " bleeds and cries easily category". But am trying for the other category "nothing gets.."

    I am in sync with your thought that "it takes a sensitive nature to pay attention to so many details of life and existence and to then want to communicate those observations back to the world in emotionally and intellectually pleasing and instructive vignettes of self-expression."

    Thats exactly what we do via our stories!

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  2. Hi Mohamed! You always have such interesting, thought provoking, posts.

    I'm very sensitive and have had to force myself to be strong in different situations. But not for writing. I don't want any thought or feeling to be ignored if it's the emotion I know my character would have in real life. And yes, I have cried over some of the things I've made my character do or go through. It shocked me; it changed me. I finally felt like I had passed from one part of being a writer to another, and there's no turning back.

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  3. Hi Mohamed! Thanks for the wonderful validation of my silly cartoon! Well, I think that being sensitive is really important in writing. Empathy and sympathy are what allows us to feel what others, or our characters, feel. And that's important in keying into those difficult emotion and putting them on the page.
    Wonderful post. I will continue to try to distill the venom from the truth!

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  4. There is such a wide spectrum of sensitivity. One can be sensitive to nature and those around them, yet be hardened by life experiences to an extent.

    If I gave in fully to the depth of my nature, I would have been crushed by my deafness.

    I'm of the mind, a writer needs to find a balance - a middle ground. Stay in-tuned with those qualities that make you a writer, yet learn to stand strong against the onslaught of rejection. Learn to use the words that hurt, the criticism to forge better prose. (Hugs)Indigo

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  5. This was such a great post to read, it's so interesting and original.

    Thank you for your comment on my blog!

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  6. Thanks, Rachna! Yes, it's a delicate dance being sensitive enough to pick up on feelings and nuances while being tough enough to let certain things go. But we're writers; we know all about doing the delicate dance :).

    Be well!

    Mohamed

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  7. Amy,

    Why, thank you! And, hey, I can relate with your experience about crying while writing. One of the characters in my first novel receives a heartfelt e-mail from his mother who's back home while he's serving as an American soldier in Iraq. Well, that fictional e-mail got pretty darn heartfelt; I actually cried while composing it. When that happens, I believe our readers feel it as well. I have the distinct memory of a reader sending me an e-mail telling me that she cried when she read the fictional e-mail. I had to confess to her that I cried while writing it.

    Keep writing, Amy. And always keep the feelings and emotions passionately alive in all of your scenes.

    Mohamed

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  8. You're welcome, Dr. Kang! That diagram was a neat idea, a notion that resonated with the writer (and sensitive person) in me. I've been reading and enjoying your blog ever since.

    Please keep cranking out those engaging ideas; that's what great writers do :)

    Mohamed

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  9. Indigo,

    That's a keen observation, the notion that there's a wide range in types of sensitivities. I'll add that there's also a wide range in peoples' actions and reactions in response to sensitivities. Sometimes a sensitive person gets hurt, heals, then gets back out into life. Other times, she or he gets hurt, closes off from the world and takes a while to get back out. I've done both at different times through the years. You're right though - in the end, it's finding that balance between the benefits and drawbacks of a sensitive nature.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and for adding to our conversation.

    Mohamed

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  10. I have to leave something alone for a long while to develop a thick skin. Something I've just finished? All I want is praise.

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  11. Don’t tell anyone I told you this… but I do bleed and cry easily. When I was studying law, my father used to tell me that I could never be a good lawyer because I was too sensitive. Good thing I found a more suitable profession, right? Or maybe it found me... Like my grandmother says, “these things are Kismet.” :)
    Like with anything else, I think this is a gift & a curse. It makes my everyday life more difficult but on the other hand, I think it makes me a better writer…
    Have I told you how much I’m enjoying your writing? No?
    I really enjoy your writing.

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  12. I am hungry to know if my work is good, but desperate to know how to make it better.

    Great post MM... LK is awesome.

    Munk

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  13. What an interesting post!!!

    I really enjoy your writing.

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  14. Thanks for such an interesting post - I especially appreciate the bit on venom and truth. And who knew I was overcooked salmon? Guess that's why my skin gets so red in the sun. :)

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  15. nice one! i bleed easily, cry easier, but listen, learn, and try to improve. :)

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  16. Thank you, Sangu! And thanks, too, for joining our conversation from all the way in the UK. Best wishes on that house and kitten in July! :)

    Mohamed

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  17. I agree, Jolene. Time and distance certainly do give us a refocused view of our own writing. I hope the summer's going well in Alaska!

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  18. Lua,

    Thanks for the kind words{blush}. FYI, I can tell from your blog that you're a sensitive person. It'll make you a better writer. Here's hoping you'll soon progress from your "actual self" to your "ideal self."

    Have fun in Istanbul this weekend!

    Mohamed

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  19. Munk - thanks for stopping by and commenting. I was getting worried; our topic being sensitivities, I didn't know if ANY men would take the time to comment. You saved us :)
    I agree. LK is great!

    Mohamed

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  20. Thanks, Victoria!

    About your post on second-guessing our characters and our writing; don't ever feel alone. It happens to me frequently and regularly.

    Thanks for joining our conversation!

    Mohamed

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  21. Kate,

    Thanks! Hey, I loved your lastest post on asking for what we want this weekend. I closed my eyes and asked for world peace and wild passion. Let's see what happens :)

    Happy weekend!

    Mohamed

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  22. aspiring_x,

    Sounds like we're cut from the same cloth.
    I like the sketch of the new character in your WIP!

    Have fun in Kansas over the weekend!

    Mohamed :)

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  23. Excellent. I think I'm the crying type. I usually cry, and then move on and I'm usually fine not long afterwards.

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  24. Abby,

    Great idea; honor and indulge the emotions, then on to other adventures :)

    I hope that you're enjoying your weekend!

    Mohamed

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  25. I fear I'm the "nothing gets through..." kind. What makes me sensitive is the habit of getting into shoes of others, empathizing with others. But that's what we writers do :) I'll follow your advice and keep writing. Thanks for this interesting post!

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  26. great explanation: "it takes a sensitive nature to pay attention to so many details of life..."

    I start with bleeding and crying..then I pick myself up again and forge on.

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  27. Fullet,

    My hat's off to you for being a visual and literary artist who can experience a full spectrum of empathy and yet not let anything through. Every once is a while when life throws me that inevitable barb, I wish I could too.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us!

    Mohamed

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  28. I agree, Lynda; like Abby suggested above: honor and indulge those emotions, then off to other adventures :)

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  29. Great post! And thank you so much leaving such an encouraging comment on my blog. It really came at a time I was feeling a bit down, so it was GREATLY appreciated!

    Best of luck to you and I am delighted to find your blog :)

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  30. Katie,

    Thank you:) There's an axiom at the beginning of my 2nd novel: "A pleasant experience is the greatest gift that we can give each other." I'm elated that you felt good about the comment that I left you. I meant what I wrote - keep shooting for the top, Katie!

    Mohamed

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  31. Thank you, Valerie. Wise, perhaps, but not half as provocative or interesting as your recent post on body suspension. I'm with you; I'll opt for meditation instead.

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